Stop giving advice

By Dr Tim Williams

When I first trained in coaching in 2012, I was told “Advice is out.  You’re not allowed to give advice.” This was quite disappointing for me - as a GP I’d spent the first decade of so doing exactly that.  Surely, I thought,  coaching was just a nicer way to do it. As it turns out, this is wonderfully not the case.

Many of you will remember a ‘vice’ was something that you used at school to keep a piece of wood still.  You put your soon-to-be amazing creation in the vice, tightened it up to keep it still and did your ‘highly-skilled’ work on it.

Now when I’m about to give ‘ad-vice’ to someone I’m coaching, I imagine myself ‘adding a vice’ to their thinking, while I do my thinking on them or their situation.  My question to myself in that moment is “Is that what this person needs?”.  It very, very, rarely is – perhaps, when I was working as a GP and only then, in an emergency.

Mostly, people need time and space and encouragement to think things through for themselves.  And, if we truly believe in the coaching premise that “people are resourceful and have the best solutions to their own problems.”, why on earth would we give them our advice!  If we’re honest, it’s possibly that we don’t think it’s the case – we assume that people need our insights, our suggestions and direction, without which they would no doubt flounder.

Information is different

Sometimes, people need information that we have, and they are not yet aware of, without which, they will struggle to do their best thinking.  On these occasions, we need to tread carefully.  Information is one of Nancy Klines 10 components of a Thinking Environment – people need the right information in order to do their best thinking.  This component has been variably defined over the years.  The latest definition is ‘supplying essential facts’.  You’ll note the word ‘essential’.  In other words, not supplying ‘everything we know’ on a particular topic, which maybe overwhelming for someone or may very well be, already overwhelmed.

So, if you truly believe that the person you're supporting is struggling to think about a topic because of some missing essential facts, perhaps gently ask for permission to share what you know. Then only share what is essential for them to continue to think for themselves as far as they are able – and perhaps asking “What do you think now?”  This maintains the equality of the relationship, which is key to people being empowered to think independently, which is, we think, at the heart of great health coaching.