Create space for people to express their feelings.

By Tim Williams

"Unexpressed feelings are a Thinking Inhibitor" (Nancy Kline)

If, as Nancy Kline suggests, 'unexpressed feelings are a thinking inhibitor' and if, as practitioners, we want our patients or clients to think brilliantly, then what more could we do to support people to express their feelings? One thing, I believe, is to be more at ease when they do.

Some practictioners feel more at ease with expressed feeling than others - some find it very uncomfortable indeed. Having worked as a GP for over 20 years, specialising in chronic pain and mental health, I'm definitely at the easeful end. I don't reach for the box of tissues (though there is one in reach for the client, if they want one). Although it might seem like a caring thing to do, it may also communicate that tears are not ok and need to be cleaned up quickly!

The same approach applies if someone is angry and wants to 'rant' for a while. I remember that expressing feelings is good for thinking, relax and give them my full attention and encouragement (through my eyes), to continue, if they'd like to. Perhaps occassionally, I might ask " Is there anything more you'd like to say?". This allows the client to take the lead, rather than me digging for more information. If all a client does, in every session, is express feelings, then I would perhaps offer some challenge, in the context of good rapport, about the usefulness or otherwise of the time we have - sometimes, however, expressing feelings is the most useful starting point.

Emotionally Charged Moments

Sometimes emotionally charged moments come seemingly, out of the blue and perhaps, we might find these more challenging. In these cases, you might want to consider the following acronym:

Pause: take a breath, sit back, slow down, silence is ok.

Acknowledge: name what you notice without interpretation: "It looks like that landed heavily."

Check: check in "How are you doing right now?"

Explore Let them take the lead "Would it be helpful to stay here for a moment, or would you rather move on?"

Remember

• Expressed feelings are a good thing.

• Your ease with expressed emotion is key.

• We don't need to rescue people from their feelings...or from anything else!

• Including expressed feelings in your contract will signal that these are welcomed.

• Sitting alongside someone expressing strong feelings is often all that is required.

• Other practitioners may offer additional and/or different support where needed - you don't have to do it all!

• Looking after yourself after an emotionally challenging session is really important - supervision and peer support is helpful here.

So colleagues, let's get more at ease with people epressing their feelings and create space for it - people will think better as a result!