Summarise Sparingly

by Dr Tim Williams

The Value of a Summary

I can see the value of summarising in a coaching session.  It demonstrates that the client has been heard and it provides an opportunity for the coach to check in that they have understood the main points being articulated.  For some people, hearing someone else summarise their thinking can be a moment of clarity.   It can also help to pace a conversation, even slow it down a bit, if that is thought to be useful. It may even, get a spiralling monologue, back on track.  So, it can be helpful for some people – but not me! 

What we might lose with a Summary

I don’t really want to have my last thoughts summarised neatly back to me – especially when the summarising back takes longer than the original sharing - when it really is not a summary at all.  For me, it can get in the way of me getting to my next thoughts, which is where I really want to go, rather than revisiting what you, as a coach/practitioner, may or may not have understood or think is important. Summarising can be an interruption to thinking.

Summarising, for the coach, can also feel like a pressure.  The thought that, “in a moment or two, I will have to summarise this, so I better remember everything”, does not create a sense of ease in the coach.  According to Nancy Kline, people think better in the presence of ease.  Bringing ease, means that I need to first create it for myself.  I do that by being present – paying attention with wonder at where the client will go next with their thinking, rather than trying to remember and then summarise where they have just been.  I know that I sometimes summarise to show that I have been listening, but as Celeste Headlee says in her TED talk on having better conversations, “You don’t have to learn how to show that you are paying attention, when you are indeed, paying attention”.

I still summarise...but sparingly

As many will know, we teach the value and use of summarising on our coaching programmes with OARS and BEES NEES, being two notable examples. So, please do still summarise, when it feels important during a session, but my tip is to do it sparingly.

...and possibly not at the end

There is, however, one time when I believe we can let go of the desire to summarise, and that is towards end of the session.  If this is your usual practice, then I invite you to try something new.  Perhaps, instead, ask your client to summarise. For example:

“As this session draws to a close, I was wondering…

“…what are the most important things you are taking from this conversation?”

“…could you summarise, where your thinking is now on this?

“…out of everything we have discussed, what will you do/what will you continue to think about?”

…

Notice what happens as the client takes ownership of their own summary – after all it was their session, their thinking and their plans to take forward (or not) and your summary is, wonderfully, less relevant.