Connecting, Contracting and only then...Coaching

By Tim Williams

I have recently taken up Pickle Ball.  If you’ve not yet come across it, please look it up – it’s a lot of fun!  And I think that is my point.  I took it up for fun and for fitness and for the social aspect.  I didn’t take it up, aged 52, to be the best at it, or even get dramatically better – I knew with time, I’d probably improve a little.  I suppose if I’d wanted to get some coaching, I could have asked for it.  But I didn’t!

So, when midway through a ‘social play’ doubles match, a fellow player began to coach everyone, I found myself ‘switching off’ and getting frustrated – I wanted to play the next point.  In fact, I was less interested about winning that point, than playing it.  I’m sure what was being offered was useful, but I was just not in the mood/headspace to listen.  I appreciate that this type of coaching is different to what we offer in the health and wellbeing space – it’s definitely more directive and ‘advice-giving’ (which I also object to, a lot of the time).

However, it did get me thinking about the headspace and readiness of our clients entering a coaching session and what we might need to pay attention to.

The 3C's of Coaching (Connecting, Contracting and Coaching)

When we consider the 3C’s, it’s clear where this well-meaning fellow player went wrong for me:

• Having just met 90 seconds earlier, there was no real CONNECTION between us.  Had they spent a little more time understanding my situation, they may have realised that I was playing for fun.  As I was already achieving what I wanted, coaching didn’t really hold any benefit for me at this point.

• I also don’t recall being asked if I wanted coaching and hence no verbal agreement or CONTRACT for the ‘helpful’ pointers that followed.  Of course, I did listen politely, but I was getting more annoyed and therefore perhaps not listening or thinking that well. – As Nancy Kline says, “unexpressed feelings are a thinking inhibiter”.   Thankfully, they finished before more assertive action was required.

• Part of contracting is also understanding what the ‘COACHING’ is to be about – where we might want to focus our precious time - what really matters.

Confidence, Knowledge and Skills

We believe that health coaching is about building a person’s confidence, knowledge and skills (Activation) in managing their health.  This builds their capability, which together with motivation and opportunity is a powerful combination, when it comes to behaviour change (See COM-B).  However, if people feel confident, knowledgeable and skilful enough (as I did), then what is coaching there to do?

An important first step in encouraging people to increase their activation is tuning into what matters most to them.  For me, playing Pickle ball is about having fun.  In the context of connecting and contracting, I might have thought more about how playing well, may be more fun than trailing off to pick up the ball from yet another wayward return. I may have then agreed that at least a little coaching would be useful for me to achieve having ‘more fun’.

I believe it is reasonable that our new patients and clients might not want coaching yet – They can’t yet see how it might benefit them.  Part of our job, I think, is selling coaching and its benefits, but you don’t get to sell anything to anyone, without first taking time to understand their situation and what really matters!