What’s stopping you? The Limits of Limiting Assumptions

“What’s stopping you from…?  “What’s Preventing you from…”. The answers to these questions are often, for me, the most interesting part of a coaching conversation.  What is it that gets in the way of people doing what they say they want?

We know that this is complex and more often not that people are just not motivated.  We understand from the COM-B model, that having the Capability and Opportunity to do ‘the Behaviour’ also play their significant part.

We also understand, from Nancy Kline, that untrue and limiting assumptions stop people in their tracks!  The question could therefore be, “What might you be assuming, that is stopping you from…?”

Assumptions are things that we accept as true, or certain, without proof.  When they are true, they help us navigate the world – all doors open and close in a similar way, my hire car that I pick up from the airport, is similar to my own car, so I don’t have to read the whole manual before I take to the road etc. 

When they are untrue, but lived as true, then they can trip us up or get in the way.  For example, assuming that “People like me don’t go running” or assuming that “I can’t stop smoking.”, will absolutely stop us doing those things.

Challenging Limiting Assumptions

We cover this in more detail on day 4 of the PCI-accredited and UKIHCA-approved Intermediate Certificate in Health and Wellbeing Coaching.

The key initial step, however, is to:

1.        Recognise a potential limiting assumption your client might be holding.

Notice when people generalise – using the words “always” or “never” and when they comment on their perceived lack of capability – using the word, “can’t” or “unable”.

2.         In the context of good rapport, one could gently challenge with, “Do you think it’s true        that…’you can’t stop smoking’ …and what are your reasons for thinking that?”

This is perhaps all you need to do.  The question allows people to at least re-examine their assumption – sometimes for the first time.  And, if they decide that it is untrue and limiting, they can start to think about the issue differently and powerfully, having now consigned that particular

blocker to history.