Be more Spaniel!

There are some coaching sessions and conversations we, perhaps, look forward to more than others.  I know when I was working as a GP, I found chronic pain, really challenging to manage.  In fact, seeing a person with chronic pain on my list, was enough to make my heart sink – this is not a good place, from which to start a productive consultation.  And so it can be, with some of our patients and clients in coaching.  This has come up in coaching and supervision for me recently, so if this resonates – you’re not alone!

Challenging my own Assumptions

What changed this for me, was examining and then challenging the assumptions that I was making. Yes, assumptions again! (see last month’s top tip). I was assuming the patient was not interested in changing or in what I had to offer. I was assuming that it would be too difficult, that I had nothing useful to offer in any case and assuming that we would play out the same ‘dance’ going nowhere. Lastly, I was assuming we’d probably end the conversation with an arrangement to do the same again next month!

Be more Spaniel

We have a 1-year-old Sprocker Spaniel, Willow.  I was recounting to a supervision group recently, how she assumes that every other dog in the park wants to play with her, until proven otherwise.  I reflected that this is a great way to live life – yes, it is a little vulnerable, (she does engage with some rather big, aggressive-looking dogs) and does occasionally have to beat a hasty retreat and find an alternative playmate.  But on the whole her walks are full of the joy of lots of new and some rekindled encounters.  So perhaps, as one supervisee, popped in the Zoom chat – we could all “Be more Spaniel.” 

Assume something more useful instead.

Let's take a moment to assume instead, that our clients and patients want to ‘play’, or rather make use of what we have to offer – they just don’t know it yet or maybe don't know how to.  This is a great starting point for a coaching conversation. Even if we are eventually proven wrong, we are giving our client, the best chance of success, by giving our most courageous, enthusiastic and compassionate selves.